My Family: How Far is Too Far

Volunteering with youth, I often get asked the question “How Far is Too Far?”  While I was single, I spent a lot of time digging into what healthy relationships looked like (see blog “Dating & Waiting").  Most of the time, people who ask this question are referring to the physical boundaries of a relationship.  I’m going to talk about those first, but will also spend time later talking about emotional and spiritual boundaries.  Regarding physical boundaries, I’ve heard some Christians say that they never kissed their spouse until their wedding day, and others say that they only refrained from sex.  The secular world will tell you that you need to “test drive” the car before you purchase it, but in a world that runs rampant with infidelity, divorce, insecurity, and depression, I’m not sure that I find that to be the best option.

I can’t tell you exactly what you should do, but I can tell you what the Bible says and what Phil and I practiced in our dating relationship.  The Bible says to flee from sexual immorality (1 Corinthians 6:18).  It says that every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against their own body.  Hebrews 13:4 says that marriage should be held in honor, and that the marriage bed should be undefiled.  It goes on to say that God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.  Matthew 5:28 explains that Jesus defines adultery as anyone who looks at a woman lustfully.  And 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 says that God’s will is that we would be sanctified - that we would abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of us would know how to control our bodies in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like those who do not know God.  There are so many other verses that speak to the fact that in the “how far is too far” debate - sex is too far, but I won’t list all of them. 

For me, I knew that if sex was too far, that I didn’t want to even be close to that line.  Phil and I drew the line much further away and decided that for us, French kissing was too far.  [That’s not to say that neither of us had never been passionately kissed in the past, but this was where we set the boundary for our dating relationship].  I know that may seem extreme to most, but here’s how we came to this decision.  For me, when I am kissing someone that passionately, it evokes emotions and feelings and triggers hormones that I cannot control.  If I am going to be self-disciplined and control my body, I know that when I get to that point, I lose some of this control.

Phil and I also set other boundaries in our relationship.  For example, Phil and I rarely spent time alone together (we both had roommates who were usually home when we were at our houses).  We never stayed up late together, and we rarely texted pictures of ourselves to eachother (and the pictures we did text were ones of me in a hard hat for work or him holding a rabbit that he caught).  When we went swimming, I wore a one-piece bathing suit.  I wanted to guard Phil’s mind and his eyes, and I knew that by dressing modestly, I was protecting him.

Phil and I also set  emotional boundaries.  Proverbs 4:23 says “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” For the first several months of our relationship, Phil did not call me every day.  I was confused and hurt by this at first, but came to understand that this made a lot of sense.  There’s no reason that at the beginning of a relationship, Phil should be spending more time talking to me than he does to the Creator of our universe each day. Just like we were taking the physical aspect of our relationship slowly, we needed to take the emotional slowly.  Phil and I did not hang out together more than two or three times per week.  It’s not that we didn’t want to spend time together, but we knew that a healthy relationship was not co-dependent.  We worked diligently to guard our hearts.

The last set of boundaries that we set were spiritual boundaries.  For Valentine’s Day, Phil gave me a book called “Knowing God” by J.I. Packer.  We committed to reading a chapter a week from this book and discussing it during one of our date nights.  Phil also wanted us to pray together after reading the book.  While I was comfortable praying during meals with Phil, I hesitated to pray with him for any long period of time.  Here’s why: I believe that prayer knits the hearts of believers together… that praying with someone one-on-one will strengthen a friendship or relationship.  While that is not a bad thing, I did not want my heart to be knit spiritually with anyone other than my husband.  While Phil and I would pray together after reading the book, our prayers were shorter and less emotionally deep than the way that we pray together now as husband and wife.

I know that some of these things may seem crazy – that our boundaries may not be the same boundaries that other couples choose to set, but here’s what I know… Phil and I had the healthiest dating relationship I have ever experienced.  If we had ended the relationship before we were married, I would have been sad to lose the friendship of such an amazing man, but I would not have been devastated like I had been in the past.  Our relationship progressed slowly but was sincere and was good.  I would encourage my single friends to set boundaries now, and to find a man who agrees with these boundaries.  Don’t settle for less than God’s best.  We’ve all made mistakes in the past, but it’s never too late to begin on the right path. God is in the business of changing hearts and lives – He can set our paths straight – all we have to do is ask.  I am so thankful to God for the work that He did in my dating relationship and the work that He has continued to do in my marriage.

My Family: Our Wedding

Above photograph taken by: Linda Spratt Photography

 

One year ago today, I married the man of my dreams.  We had the most amazing videographers who captured our special moments.  Below is a link to their blog and to the Sneak Peak Video of our special day.  Enjoy!
 

- Jonathon Link Studios Blog

- Note: If the below video is not working properly (or is running slowly), use this link: Our Wedding Video

 

My Food: Spinach Stuffed Salmon Filets

I love this great recipe from Beachbody… wild salmon fillets stuffed with spinach and almonds…. Yum!

Yields: 2 servings

Ingredients:
2 (4-oz.) raw wild salmon fillets
Sea salt and ground black pepper (to taste; optional)
2 cups fresh baby spinach, coarsely chopped
1 Tbsp. chopped, dry-pack sun-dried tomatoes
¼ cup chopped raw almonds
Nonstick cooking spray

Directions:
1. Heat oven to 350° F.
2. Cut a slit lengthwise ¾ of the way through each salmon fillet, making sure not to cut all the way through. Season with salt and pepper if desired. Set aside.
3. Combine spinach, tomatoes, and almonds in a medium bowl; mix well. Spoon ½ of the mixture into each slit.
4. Arrange fillets on baking pan lightly coated with spray.
5. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, or until salmon flakes easily when tested with a fork and the spinach mixture is heated through.

My Family: Dating & Waiting

Today I want to share with you what I did during my wait – the time before I met my husband, during my singleness.

So here’s the deal – the honest truth – I really liked having a boyfriend.  I was the girl who was either dating someone or talking to someone or texting someone or crushing on someone.  And here’s the problem I found with that – when one relationship would end, I would feel like I had lost my identity.  Like I was incomplete.  Sure, there were times when I went a few months without having a boyfriend, but having a man was always the end-goal.  Looking back now, knowing what I know, that seems so silly.

A few years ago, I ended the most serious relationship I had ever been in.  It was an unhealthy relationship.  We thought we loved eachother, but he had trouble being faithful and we had a lot of drama.  I should have ended things much sooner, and he probably should have too, but we didn’t.  Not too long after that relationship ended, I felt a still, small voice telling me that it was time to be alone.  Time to stop dating and time to “figure things out”.  So I obeyed.  I made a commitment to myself that I would not date (even if asked) until after the New Year. 

I set out on a journey to become more in love with Christ and less in love with myself and the guys around me.  It was a truly amazing time in my life.  Each Friday night, I would have a “date night” with God.  I would begin by preparing dinner, thanking God for giving me great food to eat and for giving me time to spend with Him, in His Word.  After dinner, I would go back to my bedroom and read my Bible and other Christian books (mostly books about being single and resting in the comfort that God is who He says He is).  I would listen to Christian music, and then fall asleep praying, thanking God for who He was and what He was doing in my life.

I was travelling a lot for work during that time, and during my long commutes, I would listen to podcast sermons about what the Bible says that dating, marriage, and healthy relationships should look like.  Most of these podcasts came from Watermark Community Church.  They currently have a few different series on their website under “The Porch” section: Boy Meets Girl, Cupid: Dating Myths, The Dating Game, and Summer Lovin’ are a few of the series that I recommend.   As I started learning what healthy relationships looked like, I realized that my whole mind-set had been wrong.  I had been looking for someone to love me rather than being confident in Christ’s love for me and searching for someone who loved God. 

I also read several different books about being comfortable in singleness.  A few of these are: Passion and Purity: Learning to BringYour Love Life Under Christ's Control (Elizabeth Elloitt), Singleness Redefined:Living Life to the Fullest (Carolyn Leutwiler), and Your Knight in ShiningArmor: Discovering Your Lifelong Love (P.B. Wilson).  Here’s the deal – I wasn’t comfortable being alone.  I was literally defining my life by the wrong things, and that led to confusion, heartache, drama, and real emotional consequences.

For the several months leading up to the New Year, I did not date.  I worked on drawing close to God, and just like James 4:8 promises in the Bible – He drew close to me.  When the New Year came around, I realized I was very comfortable with remaining single.  I prayed that if God had someone out there for me to date, that he would show me who that was, and I knew that if there wasn’t anyone, I would be ok.  Well, on January 3, my husband sent me a Facebook message asking “What you up to?”, which turned into a phone call and a date request.  We went out for the first time the following day. (See blog “Our First Date”).  While dating my husband, I continued having a “date night” with God.  Spending time with my Creator had become a priority, and Christ became the center of my relationship with my husband.  The biggest difference this time was, I knew that even if Phil didn’t love me and didn’t want to date me, that the God who created this universe loved me more than I could imagine, and for the first time, I was content.

My Food: Shakeology

 

For those of you who are looking to get healthier, you have to know about Shakeology.  Shakeology is Team Beachbody’s world’s healthiest protein shake.  With Shakeology, which has 70 of the world's healthiest ingredients, you get the ultimate super shake. In fact, Shakeology provides the widest array of nutrients from around the world in a nutrient-dense but low-calorie formula. One that can't be replicated anywhere.
 

Not only will it help you lose weight and feel energized, but it's been proven to lower cholesterol and regulate your digestive system! Not to mention, it tastes delicious! 

Shakeology uses a proprietary blend of digestive enzymes and prebiotics to gently and efficiently eliminate toxins. Then a combination of antioxidants, phytonutrients, adaptogens, and many other rare ingredients give your body the essential nutrients you can’t get from a normal diet. You get a salad bowl’s worth of fruits and vegetables in a single glass.

Here are the 4 key ingredients you need to know about:

1) Protein and Essential Amino Acids
* Help build and repair muscles
* Reduce hunger and food cravings
* Help keep blood sugar steady
* Support brain function to help promote alert thinking and reduce anxiety
* Promote healthy skin, hair, and nails

Shakeology includes whey protein isolate, an easily absorbable source of high-quality protein that's ideal for building and maintaining lean muscle mass. It also helps keep your blood sugar steady, reducing hunger and junk food cravings. Essential amino acids, found in protein, help the body repair muscle tissue and heal wounds; support the brain to promote calmness and alertness; and reduce hunger pangs. The whey protein in Shakeology provides a highly bioavailable source of essential amino acids. (Note: the vegan formulas of Shakeology contain other proteins in place of whey).

2) Prebiotics and Digestive Enzymes
* Aid digestion
* Help boost the immune system
* Increase absorption of nutrients
* Help keep you "regular"

Shakeology contains many ingredients that are beneficial to the digestive system. Prebiotics, natural components of certain plants, help support the "friendly" bacteria in your digestive tract. They may also help with the absorption of minerals such as calcium. Digestive enzymes, from plant sources such as pineapples and papayas, help your body break down food into its individual components, making the nutrients easier to absorb. Cooking can destroy food's natural digestive enzymes, so there's a good chance that you don't get enough of them in your diet.

3) Antioxidants and Phytonutrients
* Get rid of harmful free radicals
* Help decrease inflammation
* Help boost your immune system
* Potentially decrease the risk of degenerative diseases
* May even increase longevity

Many of Shakeology's fruit and vegetable sources have been chosen for their high concentration of healthy natural substances known as phytonutrients, including flavonoids, polyphenols, anthocyanins, and catechins. These substances have antioxidant properties, meaning they help get rid of molecules known as free radicals, which damage cells and may be a key component of the aging process. In laboratory tests, phytonutrients have shown promise in helping prevent a wide variety of degenerative conditions. What's more, studies suggest that the natural mix of phytochemicals you get from whole-plant sources is more effective than taking them individually as nutritional supplements.

4) 23 Vitamins and Minerals
* Get a wide range of essential nutrients
* Get your necessary vitamins every day
* Make up for dietary deficiencies

Most of us don't get the complete range of essential vitamins and minerals in our daily diets. Some important vitamins, such as vitamin C and the B vitamins, are water-soluble, meaning they're flushed out of your body after a short time and need to be replenished regularly. Others, like vitamin E, can be difficult to get enough of in food. Shakeology provides all these nutrients in an easy-to-take, easily absorbable form, so you never have to worry.

With just 160 calories, 2 grams of fat, 6 grams of sugar, and 17 grams of the highest quality protein, you get a well-balanced meal that will keep you full for hours.

Head to Team Beachbody Coach– Rachel McMichael to get yours today. Click on Order Now, and scroll to the Shakeology Starter Pack. You will get a 30-day supply delivered to your door!  Feel free to email me on the Contact page if you would like more information.

Check out what these Doctors have to say:

My Fitness: CrossFit Review

Crossfit: Crossfit is a fitness regimen that is designed to optimize fitness by changing up the daily workouts (muscle confusion).  It uses a combination of weight lifting, plyo, cardio, medicine balls, kettle bells, etc.  Most Crossfit gyms charge about $150/month and have classes that are offered several times a day.  You can also Google the WOD (workout of the day) to do on your own, if you have the equipment.

Things I liked about Crossfit: When I lived in Austin, I joined a Crossfit gym.  The workouts were challenging and I did tone up.  I enjoy working out live with a group of people – I find it motivating.  The instructors were encouraging and focused on form.  The things that weren't for me: The price - $150 per month is expensive. There was very little nutritional training, and many of the gyms are located in non-air-conditioned warehouses (not great when you’re working out in the Texas summer heat).  With all of the other great fitness options out there, I don’t think I’ll be rejoining Crossfit; however, I've known lots of other people who had great results with the program.

My Fitness: Jay Johnson's Bootcamp Review

Jay Johnson’s Bootcamp (Live Workout Boot Camp).  These are not a DVD or a book but are live classes that take place in Texas (Dallas & Austin Regions).  The bootcamp is a 4-week camp with 3 classes per location per week.  You will have a “home” location but can attend any of the locations during the 4-week period.  The workouts are phenomenal and are never the same.  Come expecting a military-style fit test the first day (timed run, abs, and pushups).  You’ll then compare this to your final test at the end of the course, and I guarantee you’ll see results.  Each class begins with a run  followed by various exercises (cardiovascular, speed and endurance, partner resistance, strength training with log drills, dumbbells, barbells, tractor tires, fire hose, fitness games, sandbag relays, SUV push, scavenger hunts, stretcher races, group challenges, wheelbarrow races, kickboxing, medicine ball drills, plyometrics, box drills, obstacle course, guerilla drills, grass drills, and 20 versions of the military standard push-up and sit up).  The first 4-week session costs $225 and returning participants pay only $100. 

Things I liked about Jay’s Bootcamp: working out live with a group of people is motivational.  The instructors are encouraging and the workouts are military style. I saw incredible results and was always sore the next morning.  The things that weren't for me: The first-time cost is expensive; the returning rate is much more reasonable, but still significantly more expensive than a gym membership. If you travel or have vacation plans, then I have trouble rationalizing the cost.  The classes are workout based with very little nutritional discussion.  The coaches would definitely stay and answer questions, but the emphasis was on the workouts and not nutrition.   Overall, I do recommend the classes (they will shred you back into shape quickly) if you can afford it and you plan to be in-town the entire 4 weeks.

My Fitness: Jillian Michaels: Making the Cut Review

Jillian Michaels: Making the Cut (Book).  This is not a DVD, but rather a book filled with Jillian’s nutritional advice and a workout program for the gym.  It is by far my favorite Jillian Michaels product and the one where I saw the most results.  You’ll have to have a gym membership to do the workouts, and they’ll take you at least an hour, but they are legit. 

Things I liked about the book: it offers much more detailed advice and information as compared with the DVDs. It’s reasonably priced (about $25 + tax) and the workouts yielded amazing results.  My husband (fiance at the time) really noticed a big change in the way that I looked while I was following this program. Things that weren't for me: I tend to push myself harder when I am working out with a DVD/coach.  The instructions for several of the moves are confusing and I had to search the internet for exactly how they were supposed to be done.  I didn’t want to take the book to the gym, so I would type out the workouts and take them with me.  Overall, if you are self-motivated and can push yourself hard, I would recommend this book.

My Fitness: Jillian Michaels: Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism Review

Jillian Michaels: Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism: Similar to 30-Day Shred, This DVD is based on Jillian’s 3-2-1 method.  This DVD has seven 6-minute circuits.  The total routine (including warm-up and cool-down) takes about 50 minutes.

Things I liked about this DVD: The routine is challenging... you definitely feel the burn the next day, and it is reasonably priced (about $11 + tax).  I like Jillian's style, and I believe her 3-2-1 method works well.  Things that weren't for me: This DVD is one workout that you can break down into seven shorter workouts.  There are no levels and no progression.  If you get this DVD, you’re going to need to supplement it with something else to prevent boredom.  The “health tips” in the bonus section are cheesy and lead into an Oral-B commercial.  The DVD also doesn’t come with any type of real nutrition information/meal plan or on-line support.  Jillian only uses females in her videos which doesn’t bother me, but there’s no way I could convince my husband to try this workout. I would probably recommend this DVD as something to supplement other workout programs, but if you're looking for a 30-day workout program, it wouldn't be my first choice.

My Fitness: Jillian Michaels: 30-Day Shred Review

Jillian Michaels: 30 Day Shred: Jillian bases her DVD workouts on the 3-2-1 method: 3 minutes strength, 2 minutes cardio, 1 minute abs.  The strength circuits are usually one-minute moves that incorporate both upper and lower body strength training (e.g. lunges with bicep curls) followed by 30 seconds of a single focus move (e.g. chest press).  The cardio is good as well (30 second intervals of jump rope, jumping jacks, running in place, etc).  The abs are a mix of on-the-floor moves. The total routine (including warm-up and cool-down) takes about 25 minutes, and there are three different levels. 

The things I like about Jillian: Her routines are tough and great if you don’t have a lot of time to workout, and you will see results.  I saw great results.  I also find her to be motivational - just when I was feeling like I couldn't do another bicep curl or lunge, she'd say something encouraging and I'd push through.  Also, the DVD is very reasonably priced (about $15 + tax). The things that weren't for me: At first, I liked doing the same routine every day... by the end of the week, I felt like I had mastered the routine and was ready for the next level.  However, once I had mastered all three weeks, I still had one week left, which left me wishing for more variety. I mixed it up by using another one of her DVDs every-other-day to prevent boredom. The DVD also doesn’t come with any type of nutrition information/meal plan or on-line support (which is why it is so inexpensive). Jillian only uses females in her videos which doesn’t bother me, but there’s no way I could convince my husband to try these workouts.  Overall, I would recommend this DVD for the great price and solid workout.

My Fitness: Power90 Review

Power 90: This was my first Beachbody workout to try. I purchased it a LONG time ago (before P90X was released).  I noticed on-line that it has been updated a little bit since I used it, so I’ll let you know my thoughts and give you the full details (including the updates that have been made). If you order from the Beachbody website, you’ll receive a ton of great materials, including six workouts, a meal plan, a fat-burn express plan, a fitness guide, a resistance band, a workout calendar, a tape measure, a bonus DVD, on-line support, and other informational brochures. The DVD currently retails for $59.85 + tax on the Beachbody website. 

How it works: there are two sets of DVDs – Level 1-2 and Level 3-4.  Each day alternates a different workout (e.g. Day 1 is Cardio, Day 2 is circuit (weights), Day 3 is Cardio, etc) for 45 days, then you move up to the next level. The goal is to work out six times a week with one day rest. None of the exercises on the workouts are impossible, but since I purchased this at a point in my life where I hadn’t been active in quite some time, I must say I struggled for the first week or so.  Within a week, I was amazed at the progress I had made.

The DVDs included are:

1. Sculpt Circuit 1–2 (30 minutes): Easy moves that work to tone, firm, and strengthen your entire body.
2. Sweat Cardio 1–2 (35 minutes): Cardio moves, kickboxing, pilates, etc.
3. Sculpt Circuit 3–4 (40 minutes): A level up from the easier moves in the first circuit.
4. Sweat Cardio 3–4 (40 minutes): A level up from the intensity in the first cardio (accelerated cardio).
5. Ab Ripper 100 & 200 (5 minutes each): Two challenging ab routines that will leave you sore.
6. Fat Burning Express workout (35 minutes): This is the bonus DVD. I occasionally used it instead of the Cardio on weeks where I was getting “bored”.

As I’ve mentioned before, Tony Horton is one of my favorite Beachbody coaches.  He is motivational and he teaches you proper form while performing the exercises.  He is so personable on the DVDs, you’ll be sad when you finish the 90 days. I highly recommend these prior to P90X for individuals who are just getting back into a fitness routine (though you could start with P90X).  These workouts are geared toward men and women.  I was not in "good enough" shape when I purchased these and ended up doing Slim-in-6 first, then Power 90. With the combination of the two, I lost all of the weight I had put on as part of the destructive eating habits I described in my "Undereating & Overeating" blog.

Things I liked about Power 90: Tony is a super-star! I also love that the workouts come with a nutritional guide/meal plan, and that Beachbody offers on-line support and a coach. For what you are getting, I find the price to be more than reasonable. Things that weren't for me: While I like that the DVDs rotate each day, I do get a little restless after the first month and ready for a change. To help combat this, I mixed it up with the additional Cardio workout. Overall, I would highly recommend these DVDs as I saw great results.